Or maybe it's not me that you think is ugly. Maybe it's my dog Neo.



I would hate to think that Neo had anything to do with it. I think he's quite handsome for a canine.

Is it because you think I'm a douche bag?

I mean, that's such a disgusting visual. I've never seen an actual douche bag, but I can only imagine that it wouldn't be a pleasant sight.

Is it because you don't enjoy my writing style?

I know I can be quite zany at times. However, I believe I'm also highly capable of conveying great life wisdom — full of compassion and spiritual truths.

Is it because you think I'm too gangsta?

Are you caught up on my sometimes thug-like appearance? Do you not believe I'm capable of projecting ideas that could significantly improve the quality of your inner being?

Is it because you think you're too busy?

Are you unable to disconnect from The Matrix long enough to absorb quality spiritual seeds?

Is it because I'm a honkey?

Do you have some sort of racial complex that is causing you to put up a block because of the color of my skin?

Is it because I currently live in the state of Alabama?

Do you have some sort of geographical complex that causes you to believe that people who live in the South are "backwards"?

Is it because you have a jealous boyfriend or husband?

Are you afraid he'll start asking questions regarding your decision to move forward with the order? "Where'd you get this crap?" he'll shriek.

Is it because the economy is slow?

Money is tight. So you're choosing to hang onto every extra penny.

Is it because you're waiting on me to give you a free copy?

I learned valuable lessons regarding giving away free books last time. I won't be doing that again.

Is it because you don't believe you'll be able to cultivate the same level of self-discipline that I write about?

In other words, you're afraid of failure. You see me as an advanced-level being who you'll never be able to model.

Is it because of my ego?

You confuse my dedication to self-discipline and conscious creation as "having a big head."

Is it because my momma dresses me funny?

Quite simply, you're saying that you weren't feelin' my Big Bird kicks.

Is it because I have no alibi for my U-G-L-Y?

Ah. So that's it. After all this time, it was because I'm ugly. I see. Way to destroy a dream and my self-confidence at the same time.

I'm disappointed that you would use such a superficial reason to prevent you from ordering my two new books.

You can clearly see Follow the White Rabbit and Your Truth Will Set You Free sitting patiently to the right. In fact, if you order them both at the same time, you'll even receive FREE shipping.

But no.

Not you.

Since I'm ugly and my momma dresses me funny, you won't take three minutes out of your busy day to order my books.