The title of this blog entry is a bit zany.

It highlights the deer stalking that has been rampant in my life of late, and uses the name "Jim" instead of the intended "Gym." It was intended to confuse your brain — to peak your curiosity. It also corresponds with the "Dear Denise from Taco Bell" blog from several days ago.

I'm implementing a new science (that I just created) called "brain confusion." It's similar to the muscle confusion discussed in the P90X fitness program — that I just started two days ago.

My brain-confusion formula is intended to target the areas of your brain that are already familiar with my "deer stalking" episodes and the "Dear Denise from Taco Bell" letter.

When your eyes recognize the word "deer," it fires off an electrical synapse in your brain causing you to be magnetically drawn to the blog; you feel the urge to investigate further.

When you see the name "Jim," your brain remembers the "Dear Denise" letter, and starts to wonder why on Earth I would be writing a letter to some guy named Jim — asking him to wear some draws. You begin to wonder if the same level of comedic brilliance will be sewn into the "Dear (Deer) Jim" letter.

If you're new to the blog, and haven't read about my deer-stalking episodes, or haven't read the "Dear Denise from Taco Bell" letters, then this blog entry will only serve to peak your curiosity — pushing you in that direction.  :]

In summary, this advanced-level marketing genius was created to ensure more people actually clicked on the blog.

It worked. Here you are.



Dear Lord. Have a look at that deer that was recently stalking me in a rental cabin.

Let me get back to my letter.

Deer Jim (Dear Gym),

It was nice to see you today.

I started the P90X (at home) fitness program two days ago, and I was feeling like a creaky robot this morning when I woke up. Day 1 consisted of chest and back. Day 2 was all leg stuff. I wanted to see you today because I knew you had a jacuzzi and a steam room. Luckily, my pal let me use one of his guest passes. The jacuzzi and steam room really loosened up my muscles.

I must admit, I have a bit of resentment for my high school baseball coaches. They take the appropriate measures to ensure all high school pitchers don't do any damage to their arms. Yet our high school team had a policy stating that the catcher had to stand-up to throw the ball back to the pitcher — after every pitch. Pitchers throw well over 100 pitches each game. That's a lot of unnecessary squatting and standing and squatting and standing.


Thou shalt not steal.  :]

In my opinion, it was more of a "coaches' ego" thing than anything else. Same thing if you were hit by a pitch — no matter how much it may have hurt, you were told to drop your bat, sprint to first base, and deal with the pain afterward.

This "stand-up to throw the ball back to the pitcher" policy is wreaking havoc on my knees, now that I'm getting older. On all my other teams, I was able to drop to my knees and just toss the ball back to the pitcher. High school coaches need to start considering the knees of their catchers, and quit implementing military-like ego-driven "stand-up after every pitch" policies.

Just sayin'.

But yeah, Gym, it seems as though I've run off course.

I need to talk about my experience with you today. No working-out took place; I was merely using you for your jacuzzi and steam room. Although, I did manage to destroy my competition 6 to 0 in tennis, even though my mobility was hampered due to the intensity of P90X.

I guess the real point of this letter is to talk about the locker room. Even when I was in high school, I never understood why guys felt comfortable running around buck-naked in the locker room. It's just never a pleasant sight.

And I hate to say this, but a certain part of me gets really annoyed when I'm ready to sit in the hot tub, and there's some naked dude sitting in there. I'm thinking to myselfs, Dude, have some respect and put on some boxer draws or a swim suit.

I take my swim trunks or my ultra-sleek Under Armour boxers, which repel water very well.



I'm just not really interested in seeing dudes' junk while minding my own business in the locker room — or the jacuzzi. It's just a very strange "social norm." I think it may be time to evolve the policy.

Thanks for your time today, Gym.

Your pal,

Brandon

For the guys in locker rooms all across America: Put some draws on, man.